SHE....

She fought her whole life to fulfill the needs of others. She challenged the challenges, stood strong and over came all the pain for the better life of her loved ones. She only introduced to thorns, pain, tears.....
But someone entered in her life, introduced to the flowers, colours, showed the beauty of life. She was happy, experienced the tears of happiness, learn how to smile, laugh. She succeeded to win over the pain and dark part of life, there was a spark in her eyes....
but it was a short fairy tell for her. She got punished for forgetting her ground, her reality. At the end she had to get back to her friend of life time that is problems, challenges, struggle, pain, tears and humiliations. And she continue to explore her life journey in the search of guts, strength, solution, peace and respect.

THIRTY FIVE MINUTES in taxi………….

We cannot demolish it, what we can do is only transform. "Chhaupadi" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chhaupadi) is their culture and directly impacts their caste and culture. That's why even lots of programs and new thoughts are being useless when it comes to demolish it. It is near to impossible at least a far cry to achieve this goal. It will exist in the community but might be in different form. Well everything changes with time so do our culture but mind my words it only changes, transforms itself but eradication…….

Yes, migration is making a positive impact; you can see they give damn care to this thing. But only because they have to cope with the life style of the new society and another is they don't get that social structure and environment even if they want to follow it, where are they going to get a cowshed or chhaupadi hut to stay? So either they leave it or they modify according to their comfort zone. But those who give damn care here again follow the custom when they get back. They know it very well that they can not leave alone, they need family, friends and society. So, they just find easy to follow the rules and regulations of their society rather than fighting against them. And one more things we should never forget is those cultures are formed by their own people and they know it more than anything else.

You belong to Newari community, right? though you know it very well that "Gufa" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newa_people) effects on girls mental and physical health but still can not stand and go against it because the chain is very strong, stronger than anything else in your life, the chain of your society, culture, where you belong to.  Singing, dancing, wearing, speaking, eating, learning, loving, caring, crying, smiling, breathing…. can you ignore it. Yes, if you are strong enough you might try to convince them if not may be fight like a child but will never go against them. Because even if you don't but your every single sense every single cell knows that this is where you belong this is what you are and this is the only place where you can go back and stay safe.

It took about thirty five minutes to drive me from Tripureshwor to Gongabu buspark. He works as a taxi driver; I don't know even his name.  It was our first meeting but he shared his point of view on redefining our culture.

He is right our culture, society, family defines us but we cannot keep on being blind that our own people, culture encouraged gender disparity and kept and keeping women in subordination role. And in result we can see women and girls are suffering from various forms of violence every moment and turning our father, brother, uncle, teacher……violent and taking them far far away from peace, love and gentleness. And because we are among them, we belong to it ONLY WE CAN BRING CHANGE, ONLY WE CAN SAVE IT.

Never Ending Stories

Amperi, a 11 years old girl, is getting ready to join her girl friends to collect firewood immediately after having morning meal. Washed her face and used a shawl as towel and went to kitchen and get leftover rice which was also less than half of her regular and took some salt and chilly along and packed in the shawl and tighten in her wrest. Again ran inside and came up with big axe and get it inside her wrest and locked by the shawl. Now, is all ready to join her group of friends. She is happy as they are going to chat and sing songs and enjoy in forest while collecting the wood. She did not feel tired even though she just came back from colleting bushes for the domestics and rushing to meet her friends. While she was leaving there was a big smile in her face.

A group of girls of age 8 to 14 was coming down to village with about 30 to 40 kilograms of wood on their back in doko. The load was highly dominating their weight. A 30 kilograms weighted girl carries 30 to 40 kilograms of load everyday, wow! When they got near I recognized that they were Amperi and group, looking tired and hungry. They left at 9 am in the morning and it's already 5pm, exact hours of their school.

The school remained close most of the time, even if it opened there were only two or three teachers and they were also busy chatting in the office room while the students of Early Child Development (ECD) were playing the role of teacher and student turn by turn and rest of the student in the school were hanging around and playing. Most of the students were boys and girls were absent. It's the scenario of the school in Mugu.

Amperi, who was already feeling sleepy, pushed her plate near to her mother asking for plenty of dahl (lentil). But her mother pushed it back to her without serving. She understood that she is not going to get dahl (lentil) so, continue with rice only. Her family (mother, father, brother, sister in law, niece, me and herself ) were having dinner together at 8 pm. Me, her brother and niece were served with curd, dahl (lentil) and rice while her mother, sister in law and she had rice and dahl.  Rest of the member got dahl (lentil) added but except her.

The environment of school, careless behavior of teachers and parents, deep rooted patriarchal society and lack of information, empowerment and motivation all are together draging girls like Amperi out of school resulting on early marriage and early child bearing.

Time for preventive way

Where are you from? Do you put Norplant? It took a moment to get to a lean woman with cigarette in her hand, may be because we were very tired. Well, my obvious answer was NO. After a minute we found out that she has uterine prolapsed (UP). She got herself screened twice and also used ring pessary. “They inserted a ring inside but it was not comfortable at all, keeps on falling. So I took off. If possible I want to do operation (hysterectomy). Do you know anyone who can help me? I got pregnant for six times. I was 20 when my parents marry me off. Next year I gave birth to a baby boy but unfortunately we couldn't safe him. My second baby also died in the very next year of my first child. After that I had four daughters. Elder daughter is 15 and younger one is one and half years, one more child died. I experience my prolapsed in my fifth delivery.  My husband still desire for son and pressure me for that. That’s why I want to get operated.” A woman from Matela Bazar, Jajarkot said to me. And by that time we were already surrounded by her neighbors, who were encouraging her to share her stuff to us.

There are millions of women suffering from uterine prolapsed and it feels great to know that Nepal government is showing some interest to deal with it but still the best of government is not enough when the interest is limited to curative only. Hysterectomy is not the permanent solution. It's a high time to go for preventive approach. Also need to  focus on the quality of hysterectomy services being operated, should proved ring pessary for free and give importance to pre and post counseling to women with uterine prolapsed and family before operating them. It is women's right to have a quality life and the range of uterine prolapsed shows that millions of Nepali women have no quality of life. 

Age verses Attitude

"You know I wear Jeans and top in regular days and when we have meeting with government I either wear kurta or saree" said one of my friend who works in Danish Embassy and studying Women's Studies. I immediately reacted and said" really, why?" She smiled and said "When I wore jeans and top they called me Manju, when I was in kurta they called me Manjuji and when I was in saree they called me Manju madam and behaved accordingly". I remember the very day when my boss called me adding "ji" in my name. I was so surprised because she usually calls me only with my name. Well, usually I wear jeans and top and that day I was wearing Kurta. It sounds funny but most of us might have experience this. Our cloth defining the level of respect we receive.

In Nepali society we have tradition to respect elders. Age and respect are directly proportional to each other, aren't they? And this is true for most of the women/girls that we do look older when we wear kurta and saree comparative to jeans. But my question is, are knowledge, skill, capacity and most importantly attitude based on how mature we look? Is it fair to change the level of respect towards a person according to her dress up?

A three years of girl was raped by her own father, a four years of girl was raped by her own uncle, a 16 years of girl was burnt by her own parents and relatives, many women are being killed by her own husband and family, more than 3749 cases of domestic violence were filed during 16 Days Activism Against Gender Based Violence in Nepal ( Kantipur daily), these are the news we heard and sadly it is becoming very common now a days. So, what should we do respect age or attitude?

In the episode of child sexual abuse in "Satya Meva Jayate", a very famous and one of my personal favorite show in Indian T.V hosted by actor Amir Khan, a participant in the end of the program said we should respect the attitude of the person not his/her age, if we continue respecting age this kind of crime will never end.

Give me a break

Was I the reason behind this mess, did I spoilt the celebration. Well partially YES and everyone in my family thinks so especially my mother and father. Today the fourth day of Tihar i.e Mhapuja means worshiping oneself. I was very tired but happy that my friend helped me through the application I am working, which is still not complete. I came back home and immediately after my lunch, my brother and I started to clean the house which we are suppose to and always do during this festival. Actually I am really proud of my brother; he is not like other men/boys in my community, who enjoy the festival playing cards and rooming around. He is always ready to help us with household work and understands that we, women also get tired and have right to enjoy the festival rather than always being busy in kitchen and household work.

"Why are you always like this? Just because you support the house, are you trying to dominate us, you are being autocrat. Is this the way educated girls behave?" My father reacted with anger to me. Actually after cleaning the house, not even taking a second we started to prepare for Mhapuja. But my father was busy playing cards. First my mother went to call him, she went once more time then my brother went. Then I went and he didn't come. I again went and said "do you have any plan for doing Mhapuja".  This went very rude to him and his companions who were my neighbors and reacted saying "Is this how educated girls behave?" Well, I have a question, is this how educated men behaves and treats people. Playing cards whole day and making women in their family work their best and not even few minutes to enjoy.

We started the Mhapuja after my father's arrival.  The top most position goes to my father, then my mother ops made a mistake, it's my brother, then only mother, then me and finally my sister. According to the age group my brother is the youngest in my family but guest what just because he is "The HE", he got the higher position than his own mother. Isn't it fantastic?? Well, for boys/men of course but for girls/women, has any one bother to think from our point of view? Last year, I said why the youngest sitting in second top position? That's why this year my brother just sat in the lowest position where my sister sat all her life. Suddenly, my father got angry and shouts and expressed his dissatisfaction. And guess what my mother supported him and my brother went and take his position, like he knew that this is what going to happen, very clever. 

As we, the second generation in family were angry because we waited for an hour and I had mine own dissatisfaction regarding the position of my brother, my father was angry because of my point of view and dissatisfaction and my mother was worried and actually cried saying what will I do when they'll marry me off? Will I be able to keep up their name? Will I be able to make them proud my sacrificing all my rights and being blind to the discrimination? I wonder when my mother will express her worries that how will my brother keep them proud by sacrificing his rights. I don't think I ever heard her being worried and expressing her concern about family's proud relating my brother's activities. For me the question is "Are only women are supposed to scarifies? Are we the balli ka bakras??

I think it's time to take a break. Because we are NOT.

"It will be cold why don’t you close that window" said the man beside me. I felt little uncomfortable, when he was showing care towards me.  Suddenly the driver hit the break and after a while I was unable to hold back and got the freedom, I vomited. Then again he started to search for the lemon for me. Later on the bus stopped in the small hotel for lunch. I prefer not to have as I was not feeling good and afraid that I again may have to vomit but as usual he asked me if I am having lunch or  not. I replied "I will have it later". Everyone was ready to go, he came up with a juice and said "have this, it is okay. Otherwise you will feel weak".  I took that feeling very awkward. On the way he started to share about him. His parents and children are in Kathmandu, brothers and sister in laws are in Japan and he is a farmer in Gaighat, Udaypur, Nepal.  He showed his love for this mother land saying that "You know everyone says that we should build a house in Kathmandu and sell all the property in village but I never agreed and will never agree. I just can't live in Kathmandu, it's too polluted.  By the way are you from Lahan?"  Answering him I said "No, I am from Kathmandu." Then he without any hesitation ask why am I going to lahan, I did not feel right to share my true information so I said "for research". "With whom are you going to stay there?" his another quick question. After a while I answered "With my friend, she is an engineer in Lahan." Then I just kept quiet and enjoy the views. He again start to explain me about the place which I was viewing, I listen to him as I did not have any choice. Later again he force to share his fruit. Seeing me feeling uncomfortable he said that "You won't believe that I have children of similar age of you. So you are like my daughter, he he." He smiled. I now understand why he was treating me like that. Then I suddenly remembered one comment in facebook in my friend's status. One of my foreigner friend shared that a hotel owner in Nagarkot helped them to get to the place to see the sun rise early in the morning. In that status one of her friend said that "wow, what a personal service is she your mother or what". I felt in Nepal we still have humanity, we feel good to help others. At that time I felt like our politician should go and learn humanity and living for others. So that they can see poor people struggling for the survival and realize the need of constitution on time. So I request all the politicians please go to the villages learn some humanity.