Give me a break

Was I the reason behind this mess, did I spoilt the celebration. Well partially YES and everyone in my family thinks so especially my mother and father. Today the fourth day of Tihar i.e Mhapuja means worshiping oneself. I was very tired but happy that my friend helped me through the application I am working, which is still not complete. I came back home and immediately after my lunch, my brother and I started to clean the house which we are suppose to and always do during this festival. Actually I am really proud of my brother; he is not like other men/boys in my community, who enjoy the festival playing cards and rooming around. He is always ready to help us with household work and understands that we, women also get tired and have right to enjoy the festival rather than always being busy in kitchen and household work.

"Why are you always like this? Just because you support the house, are you trying to dominate us, you are being autocrat. Is this the way educated girls behave?" My father reacted with anger to me. Actually after cleaning the house, not even taking a second we started to prepare for Mhapuja. But my father was busy playing cards. First my mother went to call him, she went once more time then my brother went. Then I went and he didn't come. I again went and said "do you have any plan for doing Mhapuja".  This went very rude to him and his companions who were my neighbors and reacted saying "Is this how educated girls behave?" Well, I have a question, is this how educated men behaves and treats people. Playing cards whole day and making women in their family work their best and not even few minutes to enjoy.

We started the Mhapuja after my father's arrival.  The top most position goes to my father, then my mother ops made a mistake, it's my brother, then only mother, then me and finally my sister. According to the age group my brother is the youngest in my family but guest what just because he is "The HE", he got the higher position than his own mother. Isn't it fantastic?? Well, for boys/men of course but for girls/women, has any one bother to think from our point of view? Last year, I said why the youngest sitting in second top position? That's why this year my brother just sat in the lowest position where my sister sat all her life. Suddenly, my father got angry and shouts and expressed his dissatisfaction. And guess what my mother supported him and my brother went and take his position, like he knew that this is what going to happen, very clever. 

As we, the second generation in family were angry because we waited for an hour and I had mine own dissatisfaction regarding the position of my brother, my father was angry because of my point of view and dissatisfaction and my mother was worried and actually cried saying what will I do when they'll marry me off? Will I be able to keep up their name? Will I be able to make them proud my sacrificing all my rights and being blind to the discrimination? I wonder when my mother will express her worries that how will my brother keep them proud by sacrificing his rights. I don't think I ever heard her being worried and expressing her concern about family's proud relating my brother's activities. For me the question is "Are only women are supposed to scarifies? Are we the balli ka bakras??

I think it's time to take a break. Because we are NOT.