hence their existence is not accepted......

Women, born as a female sex with only difference than male is her reproductive capacity, that means women can bear children in their bodies which men cannot and for that as Kamala Bhasin d says we are very sorry for the incapability of men. But even with extra capacity women/girls are discriminated from womb to tomb. Anyway if she makes it to enter this world even after the sword of gender feticide the gender socialization starts on her, oh not only her but the boys around her. Well, you need to develop someone with superiority complex to treat her as subordinate. She starts to become girl/woman from a female. An authoritarian sexual orientation will starts, way before she knows what or for what she is being trained  and she will be one of the vital pioneers of that, i.e. the Patriarchy. 

World is divided into two, inside the house and outside the house. Men are supposed to deal with outside of the house and earn money and women turn that money into living and deal with inside the house. So, boys get education, technical skill and girls also get technical skill. But the technical skill for boys and girls varies. Boys gets technical skill which are mostly targeted to get job and earn money and girls, their technical skill is to deal with household i.e cooking, cleaning, care taking, managing household needs, raring children and seniors. It would have been all happy happy living if the story is limited to this much but in reality this is not the end. There is power relation and power politics everywhere. Human enjoy power exercise. Whoever it is if s/he gets power they enjoy exercising it. So, inside the house appointers and outside the house appointers also have power relation and the question is who is more powerful? who is in the position to take control ? who is superior and who is inferior ? these questions always play hard. In the power relation of inside the house appointers' i.e women and outside the house appointers' i.e men, who is superior and who is inferior? who will have the control ? Then this patriarchy concept which gives control over the elite men to dominate and rule over women and poor men set a structure to institutionalize it to make sure every woman/girl and poor man/boy grow inferior and rich/powerful men grow with superiority complex and make sure that the power will be exercised.

So, in today's context which is in the transition phase with several feminist movements, this patriarchal structure is being challenged. And the system of inside the house and outside the house role division is being challenged. Women education is one of the priority issue followed by women empowerment and their engagement in earning money. But women who are working and earning money now have to fulfill double responsibility. Women now have to do their traditional household jobs which are not paid and the job outside which are paid. But whether it is from personal level or state level those unpaid jobs which women/girls were/are doing from ages are not recognized yet. Basically, these unpaid works are not even recognize as work. If you ask someone about his/her family and continue with what his/her mother do? If the mother is a homemaker they will say she does nothing. Very simple isn't it which proofs that those unpaid works are still to get realized and recognized. Okay now if we see in state level, any mention of these contributions in GDP?? Easy it's NO. But it is not EASY for women who are doing these. Imagine you work your ass off and your boss or company even does not recognize your work. Can you say it's fine and continue to perform your best. Your work does not get recognized that means you and your contribution did not count at all. That's the exact situation women are facing. Women's work are not recognized...women and their contribution do not count ....hence their existence is not accepted. 

Imagine a day without a woman and their contribution........is it possible. NO right? then how come it is possible that their contribution is not realized and recognized ? Don't you think it's the high time to acknowledge women for what they are contributing from ages?

No more fear even me being a WOMAN…………………….

I though they will come and carry me to the place where they had plan to drown me and this is how my HOLI will start but as it always happens reality was something else. They stayed down stairs and kept on playing with their mobile. I went to them and asked if they would like to have tea. As usual they kept themselves busy with the mobile.  After a while we had breakfast. Then I went up stairs and put some oil in my hair, cream in my exposed skin and came down with my hair band, which was made up of cloth and bought in Thamel with my some crazy friends. Gurung looked at me in a weird way when I sat with them setting my hair band. Now it was his turn to go up stairs and get himself ready I guess. Suddenly, Bahun came to me and ask to come out of the shop. Sorry, I forgot to tell that I was new to the place and as my rented room was not still ready to shift I was staying in Gurung’s room, he was so nice to stay with his friends and letting me stay in his room but it was already been five days. And few people expressed their dislike of me staying for such a long, which obviously made me feel sad but that became a push factor for me to move out. Anyways, Bahun forced me to come out, when I went he just put the power color all over my face, wait he is not done, he put it in my neck and head as well, then Kolkota did the same. What ?? I mean what a formal invitation was that? I was very sure that it was a day of HOLI, the day to hide if not at least act to hide in a room so that people will come and chaise you to pour water on you and put color powder and hit balloons from far, leaving you to feel the terrible pain especially when your skin is wet leaving red and blue marks in your body, but wait …… there was nothing like that. We were only putting color powder with decent invitations and with partial or full acceptance. It went only for a while, when we were done with ourselves, they decided to go to visit their friends as I was new I only had three friends Gurung, Bahun and Kolkota, well the guy who studies in Kolkota hehehe ohhh how can I forget Bhudi baba, who got this big belly like he is six months pregnant. They all started to call Madam ji, a married school friend of them. Gurung plan to put the color powder with surprise, but went fussss we had to go inside instead. She left her breakfast and received the color and she also joints us to visit other friends. Boys took bikes and we straight headed to meet Miss, an unmarried junior friend of Kolkota. When we met her she attacked Gurung and tried to put the color powder in his teeth….hmmmm nice try to take revenge of yesterday’s teasing.

Then we went for a bike ride. People were enjoying with drink, colorful funny hats, masks and yes of course the BHANG….girls even in shorts just like me, rooming like nothing and it was really nothing, none of a girl got hit by painful water balloons, none of us faced any kind of  sexual, physical and mental violence by the people on the road. Dude,,,  I grew up all my life with a HOLI which starts from a month earlier and it was/is a festival, which gives boys a complete right to do violence on women/girls by hitting them water balloons no matter where they are going for what job take it  going to school, college, office…..or just sitting  on the outside stairs of the house. A girl/woman is not supposed to face it and  for boys it is a privilege, especially to enjoy HOLI by violating women, like girls/women are object to enjoy their HOLI. Women/girls starts to lock themselves inside the house because they are so sooo threatened. It was never an only physical pain but more social, sexual and mental harassment.  It is an indicator which shouts that women in our community are taken as a material to enjoy even hurting them with painful water balloons or sexually harass by forcefully putting the colors and touch/squeeze/ pinch in private parts. And the fact that women/girls are suppose  to keep their mouth shut or hide themselves or let men/boys  do what they want and at the end after all violence, get scold and accused of being over, crossing the limit and disobedient.

In these cases most of the parents try to go with protectionist approach of gender equality. But these days, little hope is rising as the police of Kathmandu valley have started to take strict action against such violence but still its far cry to establish as a gender friendly and violence free festival especially in Kathmandu valley, which I was enjoying in this new place.

After a daylong celebration, end up with great shower. Kathmandu valley should learn this from theTarai districts. I must say till date it was a fearless HOLI in my whole life.  Hope for this kind of fearless HOLI all over the country. 

in the search of REAL LIFE

Everyday I wake up and walk. I never knew what I was looking for. But it had became my habit to watch the face of passer by, may be that's the reason why I like to walk so much. I enjoying walking in fact it's the best means of transportation for me. It's not about I enjoy watching people, how they look, how they have presented themselves, what's the latest fashion among which age group. What I look or search for is the peace in the people. The face which actually makes me feel that oh! this person is in peace, he has a life. The glow within them. But sadly I always saw faces with squeezed forehead, full of tension, full of attitude and always in hurry like the time is just running out of their hands and they are making a best possible effort to utilize it. Of course in today's life there are so much to achieve, so much to gain in short period, lots of things to get better personally and professionally to become the most wanted person ever in the world. If you own a Dell slim touch screen laptop then you will be making your effort to buy an apple laptop. If you earn Rs. 20,000 per month you will be working your butt off to get promotion and earn Rs. 50,000 so that you can enjoy a better life.
But what am I asking is what is a definition of better life ?? Is it to be able to grab the attention of people with most fashionable and updated gadgets ? It is to be able to use the stuff available in market ?? Is it to get promotion ?? What is a better life ?? If these things could have brought happiness in ones life then why the number of depression among people are increasing ? Why It has become so hard to see a peace in people's face. If those stuff for which you are working your best, always in hurry, missing those people who loves you and cares about you then think again are you investing your time in right thing??

It's strange but have you even got a second to think about it, that what actually you want ? what actually you want to do and what actually can prove you not others but to you that you are investing your time, energy and everything for right thing. See, there is nothing specific as right and wrong but those things which keep the million dolor smile and priceless peace of you in you that's the right thing. If the world around you always keeps you in some type of race then make an effort to come out of it and start your own journey to make a difference for you. Then that difference will bring changes in the world no matter how small or big it might be.
So, the moral of the story is wake up, get up, take a stand, trust yourself and move ahead to get your life, REAL LIFE.

SHE....

She fought her whole life to fulfill the needs of others. She challenged the challenges, stood strong and over came all the pain for the better life of her loved ones. She only introduced to thorns, pain, tears.....
But someone entered in her life, introduced to the flowers, colours, showed the beauty of life. She was happy, experienced the tears of happiness, learn how to smile, laugh. She succeeded to win over the pain and dark part of life, there was a spark in her eyes....
but it was a short fairy tell for her. She got punished for forgetting her ground, her reality. At the end she had to get back to her friend of life time that is problems, challenges, struggle, pain, tears and humiliations. And she continue to explore her life journey in the search of guts, strength, solution, peace and respect.

THIRTY FIVE MINUTES in taxi………….

We cannot demolish it, what we can do is only transform. "Chhaupadi" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chhaupadi) is their culture and directly impacts their caste and culture. That's why even lots of programs and new thoughts are being useless when it comes to demolish it. It is near to impossible at least a far cry to achieve this goal. It will exist in the community but might be in different form. Well everything changes with time so do our culture but mind my words it only changes, transforms itself but eradication…….

Yes, migration is making a positive impact; you can see they give damn care to this thing. But only because they have to cope with the life style of the new society and another is they don't get that social structure and environment even if they want to follow it, where are they going to get a cowshed or chhaupadi hut to stay? So either they leave it or they modify according to their comfort zone. But those who give damn care here again follow the custom when they get back. They know it very well that they can not leave alone, they need family, friends and society. So, they just find easy to follow the rules and regulations of their society rather than fighting against them. And one more things we should never forget is those cultures are formed by their own people and they know it more than anything else.

You belong to Newari community, right? though you know it very well that "Gufa" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newa_people) effects on girls mental and physical health but still can not stand and go against it because the chain is very strong, stronger than anything else in your life, the chain of your society, culture, where you belong to.  Singing, dancing, wearing, speaking, eating, learning, loving, caring, crying, smiling, breathing…. can you ignore it. Yes, if you are strong enough you might try to convince them if not may be fight like a child but will never go against them. Because even if you don't but your every single sense every single cell knows that this is where you belong this is what you are and this is the only place where you can go back and stay safe.

It took about thirty five minutes to drive me from Tripureshwor to Gongabu buspark. He works as a taxi driver; I don't know even his name.  It was our first meeting but he shared his point of view on redefining our culture.

He is right our culture, society, family defines us but we cannot keep on being blind that our own people, culture encouraged gender disparity and kept and keeping women in subordination role. And in result we can see women and girls are suffering from various forms of violence every moment and turning our father, brother, uncle, teacher……violent and taking them far far away from peace, love and gentleness. And because we are among them, we belong to it ONLY WE CAN BRING CHANGE, ONLY WE CAN SAVE IT.

Never Ending Stories

Amperi, a 11 years old girl, is getting ready to join her girl friends to collect firewood immediately after having morning meal. Washed her face and used a shawl as towel and went to kitchen and get leftover rice which was also less than half of her regular and took some salt and chilly along and packed in the shawl and tighten in her wrest. Again ran inside and came up with big axe and get it inside her wrest and locked by the shawl. Now, is all ready to join her group of friends. She is happy as they are going to chat and sing songs and enjoy in forest while collecting the wood. She did not feel tired even though she just came back from colleting bushes for the domestics and rushing to meet her friends. While she was leaving there was a big smile in her face.

A group of girls of age 8 to 14 was coming down to village with about 30 to 40 kilograms of wood on their back in doko. The load was highly dominating their weight. A 30 kilograms weighted girl carries 30 to 40 kilograms of load everyday, wow! When they got near I recognized that they were Amperi and group, looking tired and hungry. They left at 9 am in the morning and it's already 5pm, exact hours of their school.

The school remained close most of the time, even if it opened there were only two or three teachers and they were also busy chatting in the office room while the students of Early Child Development (ECD) were playing the role of teacher and student turn by turn and rest of the student in the school were hanging around and playing. Most of the students were boys and girls were absent. It's the scenario of the school in Mugu.

Amperi, who was already feeling sleepy, pushed her plate near to her mother asking for plenty of dahl (lentil). But her mother pushed it back to her without serving. She understood that she is not going to get dahl (lentil) so, continue with rice only. Her family (mother, father, brother, sister in law, niece, me and herself ) were having dinner together at 8 pm. Me, her brother and niece were served with curd, dahl (lentil) and rice while her mother, sister in law and she had rice and dahl.  Rest of the member got dahl (lentil) added but except her.

The environment of school, careless behavior of teachers and parents, deep rooted patriarchal society and lack of information, empowerment and motivation all are together draging girls like Amperi out of school resulting on early marriage and early child bearing.

Time for preventive way

Where are you from? Do you put Norplant? It took a moment to get to a lean woman with cigarette in her hand, may be because we were very tired. Well, my obvious answer was NO. After a minute we found out that she has uterine prolapsed (UP). She got herself screened twice and also used ring pessary. “They inserted a ring inside but it was not comfortable at all, keeps on falling. So I took off. If possible I want to do operation (hysterectomy). Do you know anyone who can help me? I got pregnant for six times. I was 20 when my parents marry me off. Next year I gave birth to a baby boy but unfortunately we couldn't safe him. My second baby also died in the very next year of my first child. After that I had four daughters. Elder daughter is 15 and younger one is one and half years, one more child died. I experience my prolapsed in my fifth delivery.  My husband still desire for son and pressure me for that. That’s why I want to get operated.” A woman from Matela Bazar, Jajarkot said to me. And by that time we were already surrounded by her neighbors, who were encouraging her to share her stuff to us.

There are millions of women suffering from uterine prolapsed and it feels great to know that Nepal government is showing some interest to deal with it but still the best of government is not enough when the interest is limited to curative only. Hysterectomy is not the permanent solution. It's a high time to go for preventive approach. Also need to  focus on the quality of hysterectomy services being operated, should proved ring pessary for free and give importance to pre and post counseling to women with uterine prolapsed and family before operating them. It is women's right to have a quality life and the range of uterine prolapsed shows that millions of Nepali women have no quality of life.